oneword.: lack: "There is always something that I feel I lack, not possessions, but a certain strength of character that I feel I should have. Some say I am hard on myself, but in truth I simply lack the motivation to improve myself. "

oneword.: never: "I know now, that I will never see him again. I always thought he could be around the next corner. I was always on my guard. I always thought it wasn't over and I would see him again, and now I know I won't. Why don't I feel relieved? Why ? "

oneword.: favorite: "coffee, dark chocolate, red wine, ocean views, sunlight and no wind, a good book, comedy, good music, good friends; these are my favourite things "

oneword.: execute: "we spent hours on those mats, we tumbled, we fell we laughed, we felt our bodies strain and stretch, my sister was my coach, until you can execute that move with perfection, she said, you cannot leave this gym. i was suspended from school before the competition, she has never forgiven me. "

oneword.: acrobat: "when i was small i thought it would be great to be an acrobat, i would walk along the top rail at the cattle yards for hours, never looking at my feet, imagining myself balancing on a tightrope and the crowds cheering below, then dad would call and i would jump off, landing barefoot in the manure filled mud. back to earth. "

oneword.: used: "Ever the recycling queen, she had a bag of used plastic bags behind the kitchen door. She would save them to keep food fresh in the fridge then wash and reuse them. They smelt stale and acidic and made me want to be sick. "

oneword.: contained: "keep those emotions contained, put on a face of calm and control, don't let anyone see what you are feeling. i could never do that, i am always like an open book, what you see is what you get "

oneword.: distance: "it's that neverending road in front of me, it frustrates me. i want to be there now, not sitting here in this hot car the vinyl seat sticking to me, the flat countryside making me sleepy, slipping past so slowly, always the same, on and on into the distance, always the same. the road home. "

oneword.: training: "hot and sweaty but i will not stop, i run until my muscles burn and my head throbs, i throw water over my face but i will not stop, i will be fit and thin and i will win "

oneword.: profile: "Is my nose french? I always thought that because my name is french as well, there was something french about my profile. When I was there I saw my brother everywhere, his twins striding every street, profiles proudly sillouetted in the white Paris light. "

oneword.: doom: "I can't stand people who walk around in a cloud of doom. I remember selling family portraits once and a young mother said to me, 'Why would I want a photo of my kids? The world will end in a few years anyway so what is the point?' "

oneword.: cash: "it is 3 in the morning, we stumble out of bed to see what the commotion is. he is in the kitchen, laughing, friendly, rolling drunk, from inside his tweed coat he pulls a roll of cash, fat as a beer can. 'my beautiful girls, i love you kids. here have $20 each, don't spend it all at once', he slurs, 'i'm just having me a drink to celebrate me winnings. i love you kids, back to bed with ya, it's a wee bit late' he laughs. thanks dad. "

oneword.: tricky: "it is so much harder than i thought and thats what is good about it i suppose, finding something that is just tricky enough to keep us fascinated and life is always fascinating, don't you think? "

even though i only really lived there until i was 10, when i see that word i think of the house i was a child in. i dream of it's rooms as they were then, the sounds of it's doors opening and closing etched in my memory. it lives on inside of me as it always was, not as it is now - home

i could decide to feel that the only way to go from here is downhill, but there's no way i am going to do that. i have to find a challenge, take an uphill battle on and win it, why not? - downhill

in a way it is like i have reached a point of saturation where i simply cannot absorb anymore. i have had enough now. i can walk away and know that i have given and taken as much as there is to give and take - saturation

i love deadlines and i hate them, but seriously, if i never had deadlines i would never get anything done, it makes work worthwhile or something, a reason to bother, aside from the money ofcourse - deadline

when i was a teenager i dreamt that i woke up under the christmas tree and i had a beard, i was the brother my age i always wanted, i thought it was fun then discovered it was hot and sweaty and uncomfortable, i woke up glad to be a girl - beard

she saved everything, i guess there wasn't much choice, you had to make do with what you could get, i used to have her tea tins, they were black from oiling and heating to keep them rust free, we used them as sugar containers and she would be so annoyed if i spilled any on the floor, she hated the feeling of it cruching under her shoes - container

why do i feel i have to be superwoman to get it all done, and then i always end up failing. one day i will get there i am sure, i will reach that utopia of achievement. self satisfaction will consume me - super

i carried it along the road, it was heavy, really heavy. i tried to balance it on my head and wondered what the passing motorists thought, so he got a stereo for his birthday, a stereo lugged home with love - stereo

down by the creek there is a wall of rock and when the water hole was full, my big brother would help me swim all the way across, then we would climb up on the ledge below the big cave and dive into the cool dark depths of the waterhole. it was deep, i never found the bottom - ledge

my shadow is 100 feet long, it reaches before me in tall slender elegance, I lift my long graceful arms and watch them race across the afternoon grass - shadow